Must resolve to not eat weight in chocolate…

My mother got all this chocolate for Christmas. While she was away I tucked it into the fridge and was pretty good about not dipping into it.
However she put it on the kitchen table last night and now it stares at me wantonly as I pass to go to the bathroom. She has those Hawaiian chocolate covered macadamian ones that no human without a nut allergy can resist. I worry that she may find me laying on the floor in a diabetic coma my mouth rimmed in chocolate.
So I have had to keep myself busy to avoid temptation. Other than diligently applying to jobs I have been talking to my boy. He is so sweet. I know it’s all gushy and nerdy to say so but considering my last couple of posts it’s probably a welcome change. Talking to him makes me forget all that is going on. It makes me wish for a lottery win and for us to be able to escape to some place beautiful. I want to lay on a beach and have him tell me his weird weird stories, of which he has many. I love how much he makes me laugh. And even though things were tense around that article thing, I realized he was hurt because he loves me. He told me he loved me New Years Eve and I was bowled over, holding onto the wall for support. He’s the type to wait till he means it to really say it, and I guess it was a relief and a shock when he finally did.
But I can’t just depend on my man for happiness. I have a friend that tells me to visualize when I get in a sad/dark place. Visualize things being different and better. She thinks that when I was having issues with my mother, that it was my visualization that started her working and dating and got her out of the house. I wish I could take credit but all my visualizations were focused on lottery winnings. In my mind I had already procured and invested 30 million dollars.
Unfortunately I have never been that lucky. When I was younger I won a radio contest once. I got a bunch of Mountain Dew (yick) and a Bloodhound Gang CD. It’s as if god wanted to throw me a bone since he knew for the rest of my life I would be unlucky. I gave the Dew to my dad with the warning that it would make him impotent. However I feel like that is somehow biologically impossible for the men of my family.
So now at nights I close my eyes and try to meditate. Meditating is hard. I think about every blessed thing in the time I am supposed to spend focusing my mind. And once I get to the point where the noises in my head are a little quieter, and I am mostly focused on my breath, that is where I knock off to sleep.
My mom thinks what is missing in my life is spirituality. She has a book case that is weighed down with spirituality and self help books. She now is a Buddhist, regularly chanting and going to meetings. I think that is great if that’s her path. It seems to be benefiting her life immensely. I just don’t think it’s the path for me. I need to find my own overgrown path and begin my journey. I just don’t know where to start.