I went to see a psychiatrist yesterday. I am able to get free mental health I recently learned, which is awesome because lets face it I am insane. Well actually she said I wasn’t. In fact she says what everyone says, which is they are surprised I am this well adjusted considering my situation. Clearly they have not read this blog.
I didn’t get the graphics/admin. job. I started the week dry heave sobbing after that news. It is getting harder and harder for me to suppress my flair for the dramatic. I told my mother I am still not at the ’shit I am going to have to be a prostitute,’ stage but I’m getting close. Sadly I don’t think I have high enough self esteem to be a hooker… Yeah I think I need a moment of silence for the patheticness of that realization…
I don’t know what the fuck I am going to do. I feel like I’m in a holding pattern. It is increasingly harder to talk to my boyfriend every day. I am worried I will never get to see him. The other day marked us being together for six months, yet in that time we have only spent two actual weeks in each others physical presence. It breaks my heart. I feel guilty for being such a broke ass bitch.
I started the part time telemarketing job that I got working for the Alumni Association at Sydney Uni. If I could I would absolutely rather someone pay me to slap me every hour upon the hour than be a telemarketer, but I am desperate. Yet unless I find something else I will still not be able to come up with the money to go to New Zealand. I hate feeling so trapped. I wish someone would just see how talented I am and hire me for a fun and creative job that pays well. And if I were really to stretch the wish I wish that it were in the film industry and in Melbourne. I mean I am a good person…
4 responses so far ↓
litachu // February 7, 2009 at 4:40 pm |
Welcome to Sanity, yeah it is overrated and not at all what it is cracked up to be. From my point of view, I’ve always thought you were sane and couldn’t tell the difference when meds were involved or not. But then I’ve never been given a clean bill of mental health myself, not that I’ve gone looking for that kind of verification or negation, LOL.
*slap*
(Another one to follow in an hour)
Ly // February 7, 2009 at 10:04 pm |
you shouldn’t have to feel guilty, i’m sure your bf knows how much you want to be there with him…not only are you a good person you are a great person!
dirtandglitter // February 8, 2009 at 8:02 am |
Litachu- I may or may not have been stretching it a bit to title the piece ‘Clean Bill of Health.’ After all she said I seemed normal, but then again she had only met me once. Still I am clinging to that. But thanks for thinking I am sane. For the most part I agree with the therapist I am depressed but well adjusted. So though my life makes me want to fling myself off of tall buildings or overdose on oxycodone, I won’t actually do it. But yes continue with the slaps it breaks up the monotony of this telesales nightmare.
Ly- Thanks you are sweet. Yeah he obviously is being patient, still it is a strain and it adds to the stress. It is hard to carry on a relationship entirely over the phone. I miss him. Besides I want some ass
Malissa // March 3, 2009 at 6:35 am |
Just dropping by.Btw, you website have great content!
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